Why did the Princess cross the road? …
Why did the Princess cross the road?
Because she wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
Little Johnny’s preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. …
Little Johnny’s preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: “Does anyone know what this is?”
Little Johnny’s hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.
Little Johnny replied: “That’s how Mommy knows supper is ready!”
Trial. …
Trial. A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial, a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?”
She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.”
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be jailed for contempt!”
What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is? …
What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
An insurance company.
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. …
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first blonde said: “These look like deer tracks.”
And the other one said: “No they look like moose tracks.”
They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
What do men and sperm have in common? …
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Yo momma is so fat. …
Yo momma is so fat. She has to iron her pants on the driveway.
What’s the difference between a Lady in the church and lady in the bathtub? …
What’s the difference between a Lady in the church and lady in the bathtub?
One has Hope in her Soul and One has Soap in her Hole!
