The bus driver announces that smoking is prohibited and punishable by a fine of several hundred dollars.
Suddenly, a baby starts crying.
“Come on kid,” the bus driver said “you’re only 6 months old, you can make it without a cigarette.”
What’s the difference between a dog howling on the back porch, and a woman howling on the front porch?
The dog shuts up when you let it in.
George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn’t seem to notice him.
He turned to Moses and said: “I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn’t you greet me?”
Moses replied: “The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!”
I was recently riding with a friend of mine.
We were coming to a red light, and he shoots right through it. I ask him, “Why’d you do that?” He tells me this is how his brother drives.
We come to another red light, and again, he shoots right through it. I ask him, “Why’d you do that?” Again, he tells me this is how his brother drives.
We come to a green light, and he SLAMS on the brakes. My heart nearly goes into my throat. I shouted at him, “Why do you do that?!”
He replied, “You never know, my brother could be coming the other way.”
The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision:
1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.
2. The medical researchers don’t become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.
3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that even rats won’t do.
What’s the difference between a man and a messy room?
You can straighten up a messy room.
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.”
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they’re all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?”
The guy replies: “I did … today I’m taking them to the beach!”
No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man. The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day …
Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.
The game warden told him that this was illegal.
The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said “Are you going to fish or talk?”
How does natural selection differ from sexual selection?
In distinction to natural selection, sexual selection may be natural, unnatural, or perverted.
