What’s the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
What’s the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
1) There are some things even a blonde won’t do.
2) Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won’t stop until it gets blood.
A vacuum salesman appeared at the door of an old lady’s cottage and, without …
A vacuum salesman appeared at the door of an old lady’s cottage and, without allowing the woman to speak, rushed into the living room and threw a large bag of dirt all over her clean carpet. He said, “If this new vacuum doesn’t pick up every bit of dirt then I’ll eat all the dirt.”
The woman, who by this time was losing her patience, said, “Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?”
What’s the difference between a man and Bigfoot?
What’s the difference between a man and Bigfoot?
One is covered with matted hair and smells awful. The other has big feet.
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian …
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, “What time is it?” The tower responded, “Who is calling?” The aircraft replied, “What difference does it make?” The tower replied “It makes a lot of difference.
1) If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o’clock.
2) If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
3) If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
4) If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
5) If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it’s Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to “Happy Hour.”
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to …
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”
