A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender: …
A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender:
“Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Sure.”
“Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator.”
A keen country lad applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store. In …
A keen country lad applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.
The boss asked him,”Have you ever been a salesman before?”
“Yes, I was a salesman in the country” said the lad.
The boss liked the cut of him and said, “You can start tomorrow and I’ll come and see you when we close up.”
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o’clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, “How many sales did you make today?”
“One” said the young salesman.
“Only one” blurted the boss, “Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?”
“Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars,” said the young man.
“How did you manage that?” asked the flabbergasted boss.
“Well” said the salesman “this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser.”
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?”
“No” answered the salesman “He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, You’re weekend’s shot, you may as well go fishing.”
Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free …
Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their gas and went to pay the male attendant.
“I’m thinking of a number between one and ten,” he said. “If you guess right, you win free sex.”
“Okay,” agreed one of the guys, “I guess seven.”
“Sorry, I was thinking of eight,” replied the attendant.
The next week they tried again. When they went to pay, the attendant told them to pick a number.
“Two!” said the second guy.
“Sorry, it’s three, said the attendant. “Come back and try again.”
As they walked out to their car, one guy said to the other, “I think this contest is rigged.”
“No way,” said his buddy. “My wife won twice last week.”
During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back …
During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle. “Didn’t you hear me say that we’re outnumbered 4 to 1?”
The Marine replied, “I got my four Sir.”
There once was a man who could not keep it going with his wife. He went to the …
There once was a man who could not keep it going with his wife. He went to the doctor who gave him some sex pills. There was a label on the bottle that said … **Take one pill for a great night** The man thought that he wanted a stupendous night; so he downed the whole bottle.
In the morning the neighbors came over to find the man’s son sitting on the porch crying. “What’s wrong?” they said.
“Mom’s dead, Sister’s pregnant, My backside hurts, and Dad’s in the basement yelling: Here Kitty Kitty …”
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office …
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”
Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on …
Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Student: “Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.”
